Before considering what to do about low self-esteem, it’s important to understand what it is
Life Daily is not a medical journal, so we are not going to try to explain the condition in medical jargon. Instead, we’ll look at the subject from a layman’s perspective. Low self-esteem is having a generally negative opinion of oneself – a low self-image. But, as author and life coach Orrin Woodward points out: “A low self-image is usually not based upon facts; it’s mismanaged memory.” Eleanor Roosevelt explained it in another way, when she said : “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
What does all this mean, and why do some people suffer from low self-esteem while others don’t?
Those who have studied the subject have found a number of factors that affect certain people.
These are the main ones:
How do those suffering from low self-esteem act in general? Well, they tend to be self critical, and respond badly to criticism from others. They are indecisive, and afraid to act, from fear of making mistakes. They become frustrated if they do not complete a task perfectly, and usually see “the cup half-empty”, meaning they are pessimists.
These are some phrases they say about themselves:
- I get nervous talking to people I don’t know at parties
- I’m socially inept and I hate it!
- I couldn’t understand a lot of what the instructor was saying today. I must be really stupid
- I’m overweight. I am so fat and ugly
- I’m unimportant
- I’m a loser
- I’m unlovable
- I’m not good enough
They can be devastated if their low self-esteem is pointed out to them, so Woody Allen’s remark to a friend: “Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka”, probably didn’t go down to well.
How can low self-esteem be overcome?
Certainly it’s not an overnight process; the effects of years of low self-image take time to treat. Sometimes, medication is prescribed as part of a treatment program that usually includes behavioral and cognitive therapy.
The main elements that those undergoing treatment have to learn, remember, and follow are:
- Healing is a process; one day at a time
- Pause and listen to the negative messages you send yourself
- Learn to talk back
- Remove yourself from ‘dangerous’ situations and people
- Don’t put a ‘red flasher’ on your car for other peoples’ crises
- Stop volunteering to be a victim
- Let people own their feelings
- Discover what you need, and get it for yourself
- Vent your frustrations
- Encourage yourself
If you are serious about trying to overcome your low self-esteem, the best way is to seek professional help. If you are not willing, or not able, to do that, there are numerous websites offering a variety of self-help programs. We urge you not to give up, or give in. Low self-esteem is like a debilitating disease, and you need to find the cure. In the words of the British author, Sebastian Horsley, (who died of a heroin overdose in 2010): “Self-pity is the most destructive of all narcotics.”
