Funny movie quotes don’t always come from funny movies.
Often they are just “throwaway lines” uttered by one of the characters, which are amusing in themselves but without any real connection to the storyline. For many years the “James Bond” movies were known for such quips. When Bond was played by Sean Connery, Roger Moore, and Pierce Brosnan, the audience was always waiting for the wisecrack comment. The latest Bond – Daniel Craig has pretty much dropped the practice.
While some of our quotes have been delivered by known comedians such as Groucho Marx, Woody Allen, Billy Crystal, Rowan Atkinson, and Robin Williams, most come from people who are thought of as serious. We even included a quote from Al Gore, taken from his documentary movie. They don’t come much more serious than that!
The Life Daily team has researched film archives to find those quotes which are funny on their own merit
Our problem was that, frequently, words are simply not funny out of context. But we think we cracked it, so now we have 20 great quotes to entertain you.
Here we go:
- Goldmember (2002) – Nigel Powers (Michael Caine):
There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.
- Bananas (1971) – Fielding Mellish (Woody Allen):
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
- Lethal Weapon(1987) – Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson):
What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let’s get the flock out of here.
- Hackers (1995) – Kate Libby (Angelina Jolie):
God gave men brains larger than dogs’ so they wouldn’t rub against womens’ legs at cocktail parties.
- Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989) – Cliff Stern (Woody Allen):
The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
- Dumb and Dumber (1994) – Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels):
Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.
- A Night at the Opera (1935) – Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx):
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
- City Slickers (1991) – Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal):
Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.
- The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996) – Henry Fine (George Segal):
I don’t date these girls because they’re well-read. I gave one of them a copy of “Farewell to Arms”. She thought it was a diet book.
- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) – Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey):
If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.
- Annie Hall(1977) – Alvy Singer (Woody Allen):
I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- Animal Crackers (1930) – Captain Spaulding (Groucho Marx):
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn’t say much for you.
- Patch Adams (1998) – Patch Adams (Robin Williams):
If we bury you ass up, I’ve got a place to park my bike.
- So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) – Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Myers):
I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
- A Night at the Opera (1935) – Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx):
I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, we’ll help you look for it.
- Klondike Annie (1936) – The Frisco Doll (Mae West):
Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I never tried.
- Naked Gun 33 ½: The Final Insult (1994) – Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen):
Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
- An Inconvenient Truth (2006) –Al Gore (himself):
I’m Al Gore, I used to be the next president of the United States.
- Fiddler on the Roof (1971) – Tevye (Topol):
I know, I know. We are your chosen people. But once in a while can’t you choose someone else?
- Keeping Mum (2005) – Rev. Walter Goodfellow (Rowan Atkinson):
Which reminds me of the time an Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, a Vicar, a Rabbi and a Priest all go into a bar and the barman looks up and says ‘Is this a joke?’
We hope we entertained you with our selection of funny movie quotes.
You’ll find all kinds of quotes on the Life Daily site, from cute and amusing to inspiring and motivating. Check us out. And maybe spare a moment to tell us which movie quote was your favorite, or suggest one we missed. Our comment feed is just below.
