They say that what goes around comes around, and these people learned that the hard way.
There’s nothing quite as epic as witnessing someone being a jerk, only to then be sabotaged by their own horrible behavior before our very eyes. Justice is a very sweet feeling, and no one knows this more than the victims who have witnessed their adversaries getting just what they deserve…
Thrown Sandwich
I was at a touristy place at the top of a big cliff. People were hanging around at the top, just enjoying the view, and this one guy was eating a sandwich while staring at his phone. After he was done, he couldn’t be bothered to find a trash can. He went to throw the sandwich wrappings off the cliff, but got his hands confused and hurled his phone off the cliff instead.
Bumper Cars
I was walking down the street and a Porsche gunned it to make a left turn in front of me at the entrance of a gas station. He missed hitting me by about a foot. Turns out he cut it too close. He immediately hit the curb and tore his front bumper off.
Shove and Slam
A person tried to shove past me in the hallway. Immediately after, a door opened up into the hallway and slammed him in the face.
Sharing the Road
A cyclist flipped me off because I wasn’t sharing the road enough, despite the cycling lane to his right. In doing so, he rode right into a pothole and bent his front wheel.
Super Troopers
I was driving in the slow lane. A guy rushes up to my bumper and starts tailgating me. He honks his horn and flashes his lights. When I don’t move, he goes around me. Once he passes my car, so does a state trooper with his lights on.
Right in the Face
I was working at a trampoline park which had two different dodgeball areas—one for kids 12 and under, another for those 13 and up. An annoying little kid kept trying to sneak into the 13 and up game, running around, breaking rules, and basically being a pain. We couldn’t really do much about it. Eventually, I just let him sneak in—and not a moment later, he got smacked beautifully in the face with a rubber ball. It actually sent him flying back a couple feet.
He wasn’t so keen to play with the older kids after that.
Sushi Pup
My dog tried to eat my sushi while I went away from the table for a second. I came back to missing wasabi—and a very disgusted-looking dog.
Kar Karma
This jerk cut into my lane, forcing me to brake hard. I honked and he turned around in his car, while still driving, to flip me off. Because of this, he didn’t see the car in front of him stopping at a red light and crashed directly into it. I had a lot of fun telling the police what had happened.
Zoo Keepin’ it Real
I used to be a zookeeper. This obnoxious woman was making fun of our llama for looking ugly. The llama was a rescue who had just had corrective jaw surgery. The woman pointed and laughed at our llama. The llama spat directly into her mouth. I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.
Just Desserts
A random guy was a total jerk to me at a cafe. A few days later, I interviewed him for a job.
Tickets for All
My dad was driving back from the shore when traffic got really bad. About a mile ahead, there was an accident that had brought traffic to a crawl. My dad decides to be patient about it. Others weren’t so patient. People began driving on the shoulder in order to get ahead of the traffic. This pissed my dad off. We all know how this goes.
We do the right thing and are punished for it, whereas these jerks are skipping in front of traffic and will probably get away with it. He thought about following this stream of cars onto the shoulder, but he decided he’d do the right thing and wait. As he got closer, he saw two cops in a parking lot. One cop was directing all of the shoulder drivers into the parking lot, while the other wrote all of those drivers tickets. He describes it as one of the most satisfying things he’s ever seen.
Crossing Guard
There’s a pedestrian crossing the street. Everyone stops for him except one guy in the last lane—who blasts his horn and blows through the intersection, nearly running the pedestrian over. There was an unmarked police car right behind him that immediately pulled him over.
Knee-Slapper
I banged my knee on the corner of a hotel bed and my husband was laughing his head off while brushing his teeth in the bathroom. As soon as he walked out of the bathroom, his hit his knee the exact same way and I got to laugh my head off right back at him.
Trunk Troubles
My boyfriend has a big GMC. One winter it was really snowy and a bunch of cars had gone into the ditch. Because he’s a nice guy, he was spending his day pulling people out for free. At one point, while he was helping someone, some jerk FLEW by him—wailing on the horn and flipping him off out the window.
He got done pulling the car out and headed up the road in the direction that the jerk had gone. A mile up the road, they found him standing outside of his car, which was now plowed into a giant tree. My boyfriend honked his horn, waved, and kept driving. The dude just hung his head like a scolded dog. Truly beautiful.
Push and Pull
A few years ago now, there were terrible gales of wind in my town. At the place where I worked, there seemed to be a funnel effect due to the size of the building and narrow streets which made the wind even stronger, to the point where you could almost lean backward as you walked—which you had to do to stop yourself from being pushed forward.
Well, one time I came out of work, walked down the road in the strong winds to the corner, and the wind picked up something crazy and practically fired me out around the corner. Unbeknownst to me, there was an old woman coming the other way. She saw me just randomly fly out from around the corner and looked at me like I was a prize idiot just messing around.
I looked back to see her reach this corner, where the wind was still blowing strong—and it sent her flying out into the middle of the road. Luckily nothing was coming at the time.
Downtown
I passed a slow car on a back road who was going too slow. This lady then proceeded to follow me all the way to my house and cut me off at the last second, causing me to hit her. I called the cops. All the while, this crazy lady is in my face talking about beating me up. When the cop shows up, he confirms that there’s no damage to her car.
He takes our licenses and when he hands mine back, he tells me that there was a warrant out for her arrest and if not for this incident, they might not have been able to find her. I waved at her as she got arrested.
Swing and a Miss
I was playing in a beer league slow pitch softball game once. The backstop of this field was a big chain link fenced half dome that extended out over home plate. The batter was mouthing off about how he was gonna hit it towards the pitcher on purpose because he was mad that our team was steamrolling his. He proceeds to pop the first pitch straight up.
The ball hits a metal pole on that half dome, comes straight back down, and cracks him in the top on his head. Hard. He falls to the ground, pops back up, walks back to the dugout, puts all his stuff away, and leaves for the parking lot. We think he went and cried in his car.
Lunch Break
My dad kept getting his lunch stolen at work. One day, he got my mother to get the spiciest hot sauce on the market and put it on his sandwich. Lo and behold, the guy who stole it was looking red as a hot iron. They fired the guy and my dad got to eat his lunch again.
Vicious Cycle
My friend was giving me a ride home. While we were sitting at a red light, a motorcyclist starts zipping between the lanes to get to the front, almost causing an accident in the turning lane and almost taking off my friend’s mirror. The car in front of us turned out to be an undercover cop car. When we started driving again, we immediately saw the motorcyclist pulled over under the overpass.
Half In the Bag
I’m on the NYC subway. A guy elbows me out of the way to get into the turnstile first, yelling vaguely that he “has a train to catch.” We both turn the corner and there is a team of cops set up near a folding table doing random bag inspections. Which one of us do you think got chosen to have his bag searched for the next two minutes while the other walked leisurely away and onto the train?
Valuable Lesson
I was driving on the freeway one day and needed to get over. I checked to make sure it was clear, signaled, and changed lanes. I didn’t realize there was an Escalade coming up behind at over 100 mph in that lane. He was going so fast that the lane had looked clear when I checked one second earlier. The Escalade decided to teach me a lesson by acting like it wasn’t going to stop and plow into me.
There were now cars on both sides of me so I couldn’t swerve out of the way. So the Escalade screams up until the last possible second and then hits the brakes hard so he matches my speed about a foot away from my bumper. While this is happening, I’m freaking out and wobbling the car ‘cause I think I’m going to get creamed.
The cop that was one lane over and two cars back immediately flipped on his lights and pulled them over. That was quite a roller coaster ride of emotions.
Waterworks
I’m jumpy and frighten easily. As a result, my wife enjoys jumping out and scaring me. So earlier this week, I’m getting a cup of water and she decides to scare me again. Not expecting her at all, I jump so violently that I throw my water right at her and she gets totally soaked.
Slapstick
One time when driving to work, a car started tailgating me—doing the speed up/slow down thing. I look in my rear-view mirror and see a girl in the passenger seat yelling at him. The car speeds up to my bumper one more time. I look in my mirror again, getting ready to flip him off. Then I see the girl absolutely slapping the driver silly. He backed off and stopped tailgating me.
Served Cold
So it’s winter and everything is covered in snow. I’m going home from a friend’s place and I see my shoelace is untied. I grab a nearby tree so I can maintain my balance while I put the shoelace inside my shoe. Immediately after grabbing a tree, a ton of snow falls on my head. A woman that was walking behind me starts laughing. Then, right after she walks by me, she slips on the ice and falls down. I had a good laugh of revenge.
Handicapable
When I was still in architecture school, a professor gave the class an exercise. One student came up with a project with a lot of ramps for disabled people. The professor started laughing and asked her to remove them because no one will use them. A month or so later, he lost his leg.
Getting Sauced
During my lunch break at work a few years ago, I ran over to this convenience store that sold a few deli items and also had a lunch of the day special. That day it was spaghetti. I walked into the store and headed to the back to the coolers to grab a drink. I start walking over to the line that was formed to grab lunch.
This older woman, who was talking to a woman not even close to the line, saw me walking and literally strong-armed me to get in front of me. She full on shoulder checked me. The cashier saw it and looked at me. I just shook my head as if to not call her out on it. She gets two orders of spaghetti. I then pay for my food and walk out the door.
As I’m walking to my truck, I hear a loud “OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF”. I turn around and this woman is planked on the ground with spaghetti and meat sauce all over her white shirt.
Getaway Cycle
Happened while visiting NY. I watched someone bend down to pick up a wallet someone ahead of them had just dropped. All of this was going down in the crosswalk, and I was in the passenger seat with my dad driving. Guy A who picked up the wallet began to run it to Guy B, who was already across the street and while doing so, his wallet fell out of his pocket and on the sidewalk/crosswalk area.
Some crummy dude in the bike lane rode up a little way ahead, bent down, and picked it up and just started heading off. Just grabbed it and began to ride away like a bunch of cars hadn’t just watched him. My dad was about to say something when a cop car adjacent to us swerved in front of cycler and made him give it back.
The cyclist bumped into the cop car and was trying to go around when he was tackled. I think they might’ve arrested him but the light changed so we couldn’t stick around. Coolest instant karma I’ve ever seen.
Drunken Hijinks
Drunk guy at the bar started yelling at the bartender for cutting him off. Called her names multiple times and then tried to scoot his bar stool back. Instead, it caught on the carpet and he fell backward like a tree falling. It made a very audible thud and of course, everyone stops what they’re doing to look. He laid there for a minute, got up and stumbled to the door as everyone continued to stare at him. Definitely never saw him again.
Bruised Ego
I was making fun of my sister-in-law for not being able to open the baby gate, I opened it still making fun of her, went to walk through it and my hip caught it, forcing it closed with me in it. I have a MASSIVE very painful bruise on my hip now.
The Rules of Retail
Watched an entitled angry man abuse and belittle his server to the point of tears. Then he hitched up his belt and looked pleased with himself as he swaggered off the restaurant deck, tripped on the stairs, and face planted in the sand on the beach (This was a vacation in Florida). My wife looked mortified as I laughed right out loud at the guy.
He got up, saw everyone staring and at least one person openly laughing, and quickstepped off down the beach.
School Zone
I was riding the bus to school once. As it is picking up kids some guy passes the bus while the bus’s red lights are flashing. A cop literally turns the corner the second after and pulls him over.
App Attack
I work at a movie theater. One afternoon, I was selling tickets at the box office when an older lady came up and asked me a question about our app (it’s a Cinemark app). I, however, wasn’t sure about the answer and told her that. She proceeded to say, very rudely, “Isn’t is your job to know??? Are you stupid or something?”
Then, she turned around and noticed the mall cop was writing her a ticket for parking in a handicap spot when she did not have a handicap plate or placard. She took off running screaming, “Wait stop! That’s my car!” I couldn’t keep the huge grin off my face for the rest of the day.
Meltdown
One day a few years ago, I was grabbing McDonald’s near work to eat something last second before my shift. It was one of those two-lane microphone deals. I blatantly finish ordering before the other lane before he stomps on the gas to cut me off. His car breaks down right there, and I get to take my rightful turn in line.
Dropped Dogs
Was buying some drinks at a Circle K one day while visiting someone in Florida and these old tourists cut us in line, all the while complaining loudly about everything: how expensive everything is, how crowded the beach is, it’s too hot, etc. They are also really rude to the cashier and take forever arguing about the price of the hot dogs they were buying or something.
They leave and as we walk out, we witness a seagull come and snatch the guy’s hot dog right out of his hand. His wife then shrieks and proceeds to drop hers out of surprise. I know it isn’t that big of a deal, but it was so freaking hilarious watching that happening that I still remember it five years later.
You’re Fired
Not 100% “instant” karma, but pretty quickly. See, I work for a staffing agency. I’m a recruiter. Pretty small team and this was actually another recruiter on my team that this happened to. My co-worker was working with this guy who was pretty sharp. He was a programmer. His company was doing layoffs, but he was told he wouldn’t be affected.
My co-worker contacted him, chatted about the situation and he said he would be interested in looking around. We just had a new client give us a position to help on that fit his background. We lined up an interview pretty quickly, he interviewed and got the position! Great. It was even a little salary bump. Straight direct hire, no contract stuff.
He goes in, works his first week. All is great, all smiles. Well, that next Monday shows up and he isn’t there. The company calls us asking where he is, so my co-worker calls him. He answers the phone and my co-worker asks “Hey, is everything okay? You no call no showed today over at XYZ company.” And the guy proceeds to tell us “Yeah, I never actually quit my job. I just took vacation for the week to see if I liked the place. It was okay, but I’ll just stay here.”
My co-worker responds “Man, is there anything I can do? This puts us in a tight spot, this is a brand-new customer of ours, can I do anything” and the guy tells us “Quite frankly I don’t give a darn what kind of position it puts you in nor do I care if they are a new customer. I’m staying, don’t call me again.” And hangs up the phone. He got laid off the next week.
Chocolate Meltdown
The washers and dryers in my apartment building are run through Bluetooth and an app you download on your phone. I figured out that if I put my phone on airplane mode while simultaneously pressing the start button on the machine, the washer would start but I wouldn’t get charged. I was so proud, tried the same thing on the dryer and it worked.
Went to get my clothes out of the dryer an hour later and everything was covered in melted Hershey kisses.
Kids are Cruel
Worked after school care for school-age kids. There was this one kid who was pretty obnoxious and got under everyone’s skin. One day, I see him walk into the room just needling another kid. He ends his provoking with a Nelson from The Simpsons-style “Ha, ha!” spins around, and face plants on the ground. The kid he was provoking gave him a “Ha, ha!” back and walked off. Obnoxious kid gets up, dusts himself off, and humbly slinks away and is pretty quiet for the rest of the day.
Hits the Spot
I was at an All Good festival once and there was one of those dudes who was just pure id. You know, shouting insults, screaming, throwing stuff at people, just an animal. He was slightly uphill from a main intersection, only maybe thirty feet from the crowd. I was standing around waiting for a friend. The dude’s campsite was total BS, with some poorly planned tarp-city thing held up by a nylon rope that was strung over a pickup truck and secured by slamming a car door shut on it.
Suddenly, the guy throws his beer at the crowd, crawls up on top of the car, and starts tight-roping it between the car and the truck. I was very impressed that he made it at least two steps before the rope slipped a few inches in the car door, the guy spread his legs, and he dropped three feet straight onto the suspended rope. I have never in my life seen a guy wrack his crotch so hard.
In a fetal position, he spun around the rope in slow motion until he was upside down. Then the rope scraped across the roof of the truck, fell between the cab and the bed, partially collapsed the tarp city, and dropped the jerk a couple more feet onto his head in the mud. The jerk got up, shut up, looked a little embarrassed, and limped away as his infuriated friends boiled out of their wrecked home.
Neigh
When I was a kid I went horse riding at a holiday center. These parents insisted their kid go on the biggest horse as apparently the family had “owned horses for years and their kid was the best rider.” Dad of the family walks right behind a horse with a brand new video camera in a camera bag. Horse kicks the camera, breaking it beyond repair.
Spoiled Milk
Was in the lunch line in elementary school, and the lunch staff kept all of the milk in a big cooler that you would grab from right before punching in your lunch number. Girl ahead of me was my friend, but we had been arguing that day. I knew she didn’t like chocolate milk, but I did. She grabbed the last one out of the cooler to spite me. While opening the cardboard container and taking a long sip, she discovered it was spoiled and spit it out. Instant justice.
First Up
Was on a road trip last week. Guy in the left lane was slowly passing a truck so there were about five of us stacked up patiently waiting for the logjam to clear. Jerk in a Mercedes breaks ranks into the right lane, speeds ahead, and tries to cut in to save himself three car lengths of trouble. All cars band together to not let him in.
He almost ran the car behind me off the road and nearly sideswiped him before taking his rightful place in the back. Well, he was pissed after that and was tailgating and in general driving like a jerk. He eventually sped off well over 100 mph. Saw him about 20 minutes later pulled over by a state trooper. Laughed my butt off as I passed his candy butt.
Gag Order
A girl in school used to tease everyone and just be generally annoying. She was tossing this stress ball around and aimed it at this one kid’s head. Someone yelled “look out” at him and so he looked up, saw the ball coming at him, and put up his hands in self-defense. It bounced off his arms and back at the girl and hit her right in the mouth.
It was a soft squishy stress ball, so it didn’t hurt her, but we all openly laughed at her and her surprised expression so she sat down quietly from embarrassment. She still kept being annoying, but she stopped throwing things at people’s heads.
Raining, Pouring
At a big sports tournament after a game and it’s raining a bit—an aggressive driver can’t be bothered with people rushing to their cars and almost runs over a kid, yells at people in his way and decides to weave around traffic to get out of the place quicker. There is a sawhorse blocking the exit he is not supposed to go out. The rain is getting heavier.
Everyone is watching this impatient person as he gets out his car to move the sawhorse and bypass the traffic line and pedestrian traffic due to self-entitlement. When he gets out to move the sawhorse/barrier he closes his car door and locks himself out of the car with the car running. Downpour ensues. Instant Karma.
Face-Off
Stated dating a girl a few months back and her ex was being just a huge jerk to her, threatening to fight me if he saw me, trying to start rumors, etc… Went out for drinks with the girlfriend and, of course, he shows up. Starts to get in my face at the bar and gets kicked out. Rushes the door guy to get back in and is carried out and banned from that bar for life.
Then I had another genius thought… What if I could do this at the bar next door..? (It’s a smallish town. There are really only two bars worth going to for nightlife, and they’re right next door to each other.) So, we go next door. He’s waiting outside for me but there’s the usual “don’t do it bro!” friends around him so I make it next door without having to fight.
Of course, he comes in, starts his act and actually tries to fight me this time. He gets pulled off by a few people and is also kicked out of that bar for at least a while. Fight with your brain, not your fists.
Clocked
I was waiting to put in at a boat ramp in Florida one day. It was a single ramp, the guy trying to take his boat out of the water was having a tough time backing his trailer down. His wife (I assume) and two kids were waiting on the dock. Some jerk waiting to get out of the water starts screaming at him and heckling him. The first guy finally gets his trailer down the ramp, meanwhile, raging jerk had docked his boat and started up the dock towards the poor boating newbie family guy screaming and yelling.
Raging jerk punches family guy and knocks him off the dock into the water. Two burly dudes that nobody was really paying attention to walk up, literally grab raging jerk as family guy was falling in the water, throw him on the dock and handcuff him, then flashed their FL DNR badges. They were undercover watching the boat ramp.
There was applause and cheering from the folks waiting to put in and take out. Family guy just wants to get out there and go home, so he declines to press charges. The DNR guys apparently thought “aw hells no,” proceed to tear the guy’s boat and car apart and ended charging him with a BUI and every single nitpicky thing they could find wrong his boat. It was a good day.
If a Tree Falls…
Not instant but when I was a broke college student the high schoolers down the street sideswiped my car so bad my front door wouldn’t open all the way and the mirror was gone. Confronted them but couldn’t prove it. Couldn’t afford to fix it. The next week, they come screeching out of the neighborhood while I’m studying next to the second-floor window.
They crash headlong into a tree and total their car. I had a comfortable view as all four of them got out and the driver was sobbing his sorry butt shirtless on the pavement till his mom came and cussed him out loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.
Cheese It!
A girl at a pizza place took money out of the tip jar to pay for her extra toppings. She did this after screaming at the poor person working that she couldn’t believe it was an extra 50 cents for more cheese. On my way home, I saw her getting arrested, not sure for what, but I’m sure she had it coming.
Purging
Guy spewed vomit all over the floor in the bathroom at a bar. As I left the bathroom, a big muscly guy in overalls (no undershirt) was coming in. I tried to get his attention and stop him, but he just shouldered me out of the way. He slipped on said vomit and swore as he fell. As he put his hand down to lift himself up, he yelled a much louder swear! As he realized the vomit was all over himself.
Parking Spot
My cousin parked her car on the street near my house. My neighbor came out and yelled about how that was her spot. My cousin simply moved her car rather than argue. A few hours later, one of the children who live on our street ran into my neighbor’s car in that exact spot.
Slipping
Was a lifeguard and a kid (9-10 years old) kept running around on the pool deck. He clearly heard me several times yelling at him to walk, and he ignored me. Next time he ran, he slipped and fell flat on his butt and started crying. The only thing I said was “That’s why I told you to walk” and his mom definitely gave me the evil eye.
I didn’t give a darn though, that’s what you get for not following the rules!
Mom Fight
At a concert my mom accidentally stepped on a lady’s foot, and she said sorry multiple times, but the lady very drunk wouldn’t let it go and started a fight with my mom. Very bad idea, my mom’s ex-MMA. Straight knockout. My mom met that lady again a year ago at an event for her work, and apparently, the lady stopped drinking from what happened that night, being told by her friends she wouldn’t leave my mom alone even after countless times of apologizing. Maybe it was good karma?
Bitter Brew
Last week, my youngest daughter had her last day of preschool. Between my two girls, we’ve been associated with this school for almost ten years. My wife and I wanted to do something nice for them so we offered to buy them Starbucks. As I’m about to enter the Starbucks’ parking lot, a guy runs a stop sign, narrowly missing me. He pulls in, I pull in next to him.
I hurriedly scramble out of my car to beat him to the line. It was fun listening to them call my name for all 15 drinks before that guy got his.
Office Karma
My boss got Instant Karma for mocking me! I had a day off work and as I was making breakfast I accidentally sliced my fingertip with a bread knife. I wrapped it up and went to Urgent Care. It didn’t need stitches, but the doctor put a couple steri-strips on it and said not to use it for a day or two and stay off a keyboard.
I went into work the next morning, told my boss that I had to stay off a keyboard for a couple days, so I had to do some other kind of customer service that didn’t involve typing. She said no problem. As I walked out of the room I remembered I had to tell her something else and as I was walking back in, I heard her mocking my injury.
Just as she finished, she accidentally slammed the door of the one-ton safe on her hand. I laughed and said Karma’s a thing. She said yeah, I kind of deserved that. She didn’t break it but she couldn’t use it so she had to call another supervisor to come in for the day so she could get it checked out. When the gauze came off my finger a couple days later and saw the strips holding it together she admitted that it did look kinda bad and she shouldn’t have made fun. I accepted and brushed the incident off.
Road Rager
Saw some lady road raging hard at slow traffic going over a dangerous mountain pass. She was trying to run people off the road trying to get around them. I’ve never seen anything like it, she could’ve killed someone. Saw her getting forcefully arrested by like six cops at the bottom of the mountain on the other side. Face-pinned to hood and screaming.
Slow Driver
My wife was jogging, and a man starts driving slow and catcalling her. Doesn’t realize it’s a red light and rear-ends a truck, totally destroying his Prius. Cop was stopped at the same red light and saw the whole situation. Cop laughed and asked my wife to fill out a witness statement. It was a busy street, so when I say “driving slow,”
I mean he slowed down while passing her, probably hit the lady in the truck doing about 35 in a 50.
Half Empty
While working for a small machine shop, a customer kept stalling about paying for some work we did. He was supposed to pay the fee before getting his machine, but he insisted that he needed it right away and would pay the second half of the amount in a month. So, we cut his machine in half and said we’ll give him the other half in a month or so.
Hingsight
I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do, and more, but he still marked me low. I know it’s because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise. He told me I didn’t go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? “Well, I never see you do it.”
I said, “Well, maybe if management actually paid attention, you’d have seen me.” That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude. Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I’d previously told him I didn’t have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I’d say yes. I looked him in the eyes and said “Sorry, but I don’t see that you guys need my help.”
Catch Up
My coworker often throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can’t stand the smell of old ketchup that’s been sitting out for a couple hours. I’ve asked her several times to stop. She just waits until I go to the bathroom, does it, and then hides my garbage can under my desk thinking I won’t notice.
So now, every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There’s 6 in there now, and the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn’t noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
School Daze
My wife was cheating on me with a high school teacher. So I took screenshots photos from his Facebook and sent them to the school administration—because posting pics of your student’s test and making fun of them online is not cool at all. He was fired at the end of the year, all thanks to little old me.
Bird’s Eye View
I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn’t leave her car alone.
Superhuman Strength
I worked in a laboratory for a while and we had this one coworker who was the type that had to one-up everyone and constantly brag about how fantastic he was. He particularly liked to tell us about how much he benches at the gym, but I could always tell he was exaggerating. So one day when he left early, I went over and tightened the lids on all his bottles. Watching him have to go and ask colleagues to open his bottles for him after all those claims of having superhuman strength was hilarious.
Mind Your Mess
My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. Not just clothes but change, jewelry, decks of playing cards, knitting needles, books, hairpins, scarves, earbud headphones, keys, etc. One day she left $40 scattered within the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers.
Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless. Afterward, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the money wadded up in her hamper as I’d found it on the floor. She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that, her bathroom piles never got quite as big.
Stirring It Up
There was this co-worker who had always been a jerk to me. I was sweeping the shop and had perfect access to a huge pile of dust, dirt, metallic scraps, rust, and various debris. I noticed that he was sitting right by a vent that a hole on my side of the room led right to. I slapped the broom across it. It sprayed all over him and he never knew where it came from.
Special Mix
When we fell on some hard times many years ago, my wife took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least five or six times. Even open drinks. I was pretty pissed. I would often grill for her or make her lunch, yet she was going hungry. One night, I bought a big Gatorade and mixed in a box of women’s laxatives, both red in color. We found out who the thief was.
No Chaffeur
I took my 15-year-old nephew and his five friends to the movies at the mall. I overheard him talking about how I am his chauffeur and how I’ll treat him to a Starbucks after the movie. So I parked my car in another parking lot and did not answer my phone. I just sat back and watched as my nephew looked for my car and me for about 30 minutes.
None of them had any money and by the time I answered him, they were all meek and subservient.
Tick-tock
In response to a practical joke, I hid seven battery powered alarm clocks throughout the perpetrator’s room. I set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 AM and 6 AM. The last one was hidden in the ceiling.
Social Niceties
When I worked at a coffee shop, we had one racist and sexist customer who came in often and always disturbed our work. He only wanted the men to make his drinks and he literally ignored the women or just creepily hit on them. He also didn’t want our one black employee to ever make his drink. So, we always gave him decaffeinated even though he asked for caffeinated. Pretty petty and childish, but it helped a little bit.
Fake Numbers
My friend did some work for a guy who skipped his bill and never paid him. My friend responded by placing fake “for sale” ads in the paper with the guy’s phone number, claiming to be selling his personal yacht for under $1,000.
A Real Whopper
A lad at my office spoiled the result of a major sporting match for me before I watched it, despite me being clear that I didn’t want to hear about it. So, I started and spread a rumor around his department that his real surname is Whopper, but that he keeps it a secret because people in school used to torment him with the nickname Burger King.
After that, his colleagues began calling him Burger King, and he has no idea why.
Rock Solid
When we were kids, we stayed at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly.
So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.
Water Cooler Talk
I filled someone’s chair with water and poked a few tiny pinholes in the vinyl cushion so that it’d seep into the seat of his pants. It was hot enough in the shop that he didn’t notice it initially. It wasn’t until he stood up that he realized something was amiss and that his entire backside was wet. He needed to change pants and never found out what was really going on. Stay on my good side, people…
Keep On Truckin’
There’s a new truck in my apartment’s parking lot. It’s always taking up multiple spots—ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place for months. I drive a much smaller car than that, and I’m very petty and passive-aggressive. I’ve been waiting for my chance. A few days ago I finally got it. I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot.
The big truck was double parked again, but there’s juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is not even half an inch from their driver side door—so there’s no way the guy could open his door or get out of the spot without a ton of effort.
I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited. The following morning, I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I look out my window and see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures—I’m shaking with glee.
They then swallow their pride, let out a visible sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and do an Austin Powers-esque 20 point turn out of the spot and go on their way. I’ve never been so proud of myself.
First Bite
At my previous job, we had separate refrigerators for different shifts. Our food was constantly being stolen or messed with. One day, my buddy and I decided to make a nice cherry cheesecake… out of cooking lard. We finished it off with graham cracker crust and cut a couple of slices out of it since we knew the thief wouldn’t be brazen enough to take the first bite.
We never found out who the thief was, but we never had to worry about anyone messing with our food ever again.
Jukebox Zero
I was annoyed at how loud and obnoxious a bar I was at was. So, I dropped ten bucks to put a single song on replay in the jukebox and left. I hope they all liked Kenny G!
Busy Body
To get back at a guy he didn’t like, my friend started using his name and number to sign up for everything under the sun. This included signing up for numerous gym memberships and things like car dealership sales, among others.
Mother Hubbard
My brother did something to his annoy his then-girlfriend, so she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food? Kinda hilarious.
A White Christmas
This woman at work parked too close to me and smacked my car door with hers when she left. I had a plain yogurt with me, so I spattered it all over her car to look like bird droppings. I made sure plenty got on the door handle, for good measure.
Bases Loaded
Grounded yet again by my angry dad for breathing whilst his ballgame was on, I was stuck in my bedroom bored witless. For something to do, I flicked the light switches on and off repeatedly. It was then that I discovered that doing this made a loud buzzing static interference on the TV in the lounge. Cue the next five years of petty revenge…
Angry dad never figured out why we had such a bad TV signal at game time, and never connected it with me being sent to my room and flicking the light switch every few minutes, reveling as he yelled futilely at the static dancing across the TV.
Bad Company
My buddy got screwed over on a business deal by some jerk. Our city is big on garage sales, so he posted ads all over the place saying “Moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the doorbell,” then put that guy’s address on the ads.
Bad Influence
I moved to America to be with this guy. Let’s call him Dick. Dick happened to work at the same big box store as my friend J, and one day when I came to meet J from work, a coworker innocently said “Are you looking for Dick? He’s staying with his girlfriend.” Me: “I’M HIS GIRLFRIEND.” Now, another thing you should know about Dick is that he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever.
I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet and put them back in the box. I packed up and left. Ten years later, when I’d calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures.
Paid Back in Full
I worked as a roofer in east Texas. One guy just never paid us, so we came back and spent a day tearing down everything we worked on.
Nice Try…
I worked at Blockbuster as a teenager and a guy and his girlfriend came in. He had a late fee and gave me a sob story about his car breaking down and not being able to return it on time. I waived his late fee. He then turned to his girlfriend and said in Spanish, “I just told this piece of crap that my car broke down. I told you they’d believe it.”
I quietly adjusted his bill and then, while handing it to him, said: “I’m sorry that you got the one employee who knows Spanish, but that will be $8.46.” Not that crazy, but extremely satisfying.
Second Best
I used to go to this arcade and play a certain basketball game. I was climbing the leaderboard in said game when, one day, my account vanishes! None of the other accounts did, and I learn that somehow, the #1 player worked at the arcade and had a hand in it. I waited until he played another game and watched as he put in his code for his initials/account.
30 minutes later, I logged into his account on that machine and tanked a game pretty hard. When I was done, his record dropped to 210-1. Unfortunately, I did not see his reaction, but my satisfaction in my vengeance was epic.
Fantasy
I worked with a guy who was more focused on fantasy football then working, and so I usually had to shoulder most of the work. When he would get up from his desk, I started reaching over and closing all the football tabs on his computer, so he would have to do all his research and planning over again.
Cheating Spouse
I found out my then-boyfriend was cheating on me. When we began discussing what he had done, he threw my dog across the room. I moved out immediately—more for hurting my dog than for anything else. So as I was moving out, I took his entire magazine collection and microwaved it one by one. It only took 3 seconds for each.
Took me about an hour to go through them all. I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, and did not really care. Don’t mess with my dogs.
Coin Tricks
I told the person who pissed me off that I do magic as a hobby and wanted to show them a trick. I asked if I could borrow £1 from them for the trick. They said yes. I made the coin vanish and then didn’t give it back to them. Sucker!
Employee of the Month
Back in the late ‘90s, I worked at a big box store. One Saturday a month, we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened for a mandatory all store meeting where we watched a video from corporate, gave out the employee of the month awards, and went over department goals. After the meeting, we would all receive doughnuts.
This guy James in our department was always a lousy worker. When he showed up to the meeting an hour late one week, the manager took him aside and fired him. Well, apparently the manager didn’t watch him on his way out of the store. He went into the break room and squished every single doughnut, ensuring that the only mildly positive part of getting up at 6 AM on a Saturday morning was ruined. 20 years later, and I still miss those doughnuts.
Scooby Doo
My ex-girlfriend’s neighbor was always accusing her of not picking up after her dog. One day, my ex opens her front door and finds many piles of dog poo there on the step—obviously placed there by the neighbor. My ex then takes a bucket, puts all of the turds inside, fills the bucket with hot water, and walks over to the neighbor’s house.
When the neighbor answers the door, my ex throws the hot bucket of dog poop water right in the lady’s face—and into her house. My ex was arrested for assault. Worth it though.
Losing His Cool
My ex-boyfriend was a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food in fancy coolers that belonged to the restaurant—and that he did not have permission to be taking home. After he cheated on me, I called the franchise owner and explained that I was moving and wanted to return all the coolers. He lost his job.
All Night Long
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, often during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early had enough and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party, he pulled the pan out, flipped it upside down to get a frozen disc of pee, then slid that disc under their door where it would soon melt on their fully carpeted entryway.
We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there about who peed on the floor what was wrong with them. Wish I could say they toned down their parties, but they didn’t and eventually got evicted.
Pumpkin Spice
I have a friend whose elaborate pumpkin display at the end of his driveway would be run over every year by the neighborhood jerk. My friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew a bunch of money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of cement.
He filled that puppy up and made a really pretty display. The idiot took the bait. He broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin. Could not drive away. The cherry on top was when my friend then had his car towed.
Cheaters
I knew my ex-wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out to dinner and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked so she had to spend her time doing something. She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly 2 months, the guy she had to call the cops on just to get to leave because I was coming home in 2 days… soooo I slid her a copy of the police report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.
Snow Drive
We were driving on a very icy 35mph-limit road, in a 4wd car, after one of the first big snowstorms of the winter. We’re doing ~25mph, which is about as fast as we feel we can push it, given the ice sheet over everything since the snow melted to slush and re-froze overnight. We’ve been driving in snow/ice our whole lives, we know what’ll work and what is risky, and conditions are BAD.
All other traffic is basically moving at our speed or even slower. A shiny new lifted red dodge pickup pulls up behind us, tailgating, revving his engine, etc. Basically, everything is screaming, “Big man in his big truck doesn’t need to be held up by some crummy car that can’t handle the snow!” We hit a straight section and give him an easy chance to pass us.
He takes it, and quickly accelerates to~40 (which would be the typical speed for the road in the summer). About 400 feet beyond us, the road takes a moderate curve left. He tries to turn, but it’s a solid sheet of ice—the truck just goes straight into a parked car and guardrail, right in front of a dozen or so witnesses. We coast past at ~25, making the turn without issue.
His front end was pretty smashed up—maybe not totaled, but I’d be amazed if he could drive it to the shop.
What’s in a Name
I used to manage a coffee shop. One time, one of my baristas asked a guy his name for the order and he just totally flipped out. He started belittling her, called her stupid, and didn’t give a name. At that point, I take over and place his drink on the hand-off counter without informing him. I just keep putting drinks out for about 10 to 15 minutes until the jerk walks up and picks up his drink that’s now lukewarm, He goes “Is this mine?” and I just respond with “I don’t know, it doesn’t have a name on it.”
Take Care
My first car was a 1984 Jeep CJ7, a pretty sweet ride for a dirt poor teenager in the 90s. I was working midnights at a gas station and loaned it to my brother who was taking a date to a party. I got a call around 1 AM from my brother who told me he left the keys in the Jeep and it was stolen. I was devastated.
I was still on the phone with my brother when the thieves pulled my Jeep into my gas station to fill up on gas. As luck would have it, the gas gauge on my Jeep was broken and always read “empty”, and I worked at the only 24 hour gas stations in the area. I pressed the silent alarm and… proceeded to fill up my Jeep (it was a full serve station).
When the thieves were out of the Jeep, I saw an opportunity to slip the key out of this ignition and into my pocket. They paid for the gas, and argued amongst each other who had the keys last. The delay was enough for the police to arrive. I had to explain the story to the officer half a dozen times before he understood.
The thieves had this stunned look of disbelief on their faces I’ll never forget. The cops were belly-laughing telling the story to dispatch, all the while the thieves sat in cuffs in the back of the squad car. The story made most of the major newspapers the following day.
Gaslit
A few years back, I was traveling on the interstate to meet some friends who attended a different college than I did for a weekend. On the way there, I’m in the right-hand lane minding my own business, when a car tries to cut me off. No big deal, right? Except that she ended up clipping my bumper and running me off the road.
The other driver keeps on going along her merry way, while I’m on the shoulder attempting to contact the local police to report an accident. Five minutes later, a state trooper pulls up behind me and asks what happened. I explain the situation, describe the other vehicle, and include a partial license plate number. He asked if my car was still drivable.
After confirming that it was, he said, “Just follow me up to this next exit—I got a call about a driver who is out of gas and needs assistance.” We pull up to the next exit just shy of a gas station. Sure enough, it was the other party in my hit and run. She tried to deny that anything occurred, but the trooper looked at my front bumper damage and her back end damage, assessed that the paint colors matched, and checked that her plate had the partial information I had gathered as she sped away.
Turns out, the girl had no insurance and no license. She gets hauled off to jail on a hit-and-run, all because she couldn’t slow her butt down and be a decent driver.
In a Spin
I hit my girlfriend in the forehead with a spinning fidget spinner. She chased me, I jumped on my bed, and my ceiling fan smacked the living snot out of me. She was on the floor laughing for a solid five minutes. I am a firm believer in karma now… or maybe just idiocy on my part.
Fitting Punishment
I was 19 shopping with a friend. She was (still is) a smaller person than myself. She was trying on a shirt and needed a size up so i took it back out to find a bigger size. I couldn’t locate it so I ask a sales girl if she could help me find a bigger size. She takes the shirt in a gruff way. I ignore it. She comes back with a hat and hands it to me. I say, “Um what’s this?”
She said, “This is the only thing in this store that will fit you”, contempt dripping from her lips. I’m like, oh I see. I go to the dressing room, tell my friend we need to leave now. She gets dressed. Tries to clean her mess I tell her leave it. We walk out, I go to the register with the hat, it’s busy. My friend asks what’s up with the hat. I say loudly, ”
According to that girl this is the only thing in the store that fits me.” My friend, shocked, lost her mind. Because her parents owned the store. That’s how I got a girl fired because I was feeling petty. Saw that girl later that week where I worked. I smiled and showed her what customer service should be.
Sold Out
Wife was pilfering money from the marriage, to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad’s accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay.
I paid the card. I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills.
There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my guns. A week or so later, she had a screaming foot stomping tantrum about how it wasn’t worth her time to work her eBay business. (Because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought). Yeah, I cracked a smile.
The story ends thusly: I later traded the stolen money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc. She walked away with less than she’d have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.
